Talking about our children is something that comes naturally to any parent. When your child has died though, you quite simply run our of stories to tell as you aren’t generating new ones. But we still need to remember, to talk about those good times and remember them. In a much broader sense, we also need to talk about the loss itself and what it means for us. How it has crippled us. Not just a two-minute chat over something trivial, but a meaningful conversation that delves deep into our emotions. Friends, no matter how close, aren’t always able to understand this need which is why the bereaved parent community looks to its own members for help.

Being able to talk about Evie and her death without having to ‘censor’ what I say is incredibly important. It allows me to just ‘be’. To be honest and say the things that friends or family may not understand - or want to hear. When I wrote Eggshells, I still left out the detail of how her tumour grew and how it affected her. I did it because I knew that most of the world wasn’t ready to hear it.

Everyone out there carries their own baggage in some way or other, and that in turn impacts on what we can talk about to them. Our monthly group sessions with the Compassionate Friends offers a release that simply doesn’t happen anywhere else. Everyone in the room knows instinctively what we are feeling and can offer support and empathy - note: not sympathy. Being amongst like-minded people is the only time, and I mean the only time, that I drop my mask completely, take off the body armour that I wear all day, every day and relax. I’m not embarrassed about being upset in front of friends or work colleagues, but recognise that some are simply not equipped to cope with it. Watching your child take her last breath rips into your soul, and is a level of pain way beyond the normal world’s comprehension. Finding others who have experienced the same loss, is so so important.

Importantly, finding honest, open support is crucial if we are to survive this new world of ours. I missed one support group meeting in November due to a work commitment and then completely forgot to go to the December one; my short-term memory is shot. January came as a very welcome respite, just for a couple of hours. If you are a bereaved parent reading this, and haven’t joined the Compassionate Friends, then I cannot stress strongly enough that the help that they give is fabulous and well worth your time and effort. If you know someone that is a bereaved parent, then point them in TCF’s direction. We don’t need to face this alone, and neither should we.