Mental Health Awareness Week - How About a Coffee?

Once again, this is a piece that I have written for work, but I think that it has relevance here too.

As part our continuing involvement in Mental Health Awareness Week, this message is about having a chat over a coffee. There will be a third piece in a day or so talking about Small Wins.

When I say 'chat over a coffee' I don't mean gossiping about the neighbour's bin habits or whether Manchester United will ever be as good as when Alex Ferguson was in charge. I mean talking about your well-being. Talking about what is worrying you is most definitely not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have the strength to take control of what is bothering you.

Like our earlier piece focussing on bilateral movement and being creative, it is the 'why' that is important. For most of us, I suspect that when we have a worry, we sit quietly and think it through - or as likely, ignore it completely. The trouble with that approach is that you can often end up revisiting the same thought over and again. You don't make any actual progress into dealing with or solving the problem. This is because your brain isn't challenged to progress the thought process.

If you can talk through a problem with someone that you trust - without time constraints especially - then your brain starts to work two or three sentences ahead of your mouth. It digs deeper and delves into the problem because you want to put across a coherent point.

It may well be that you choose not to share a revelation that you uncover with whoever you are talking to, but your brain has got there and started a process of self-awareness that is beneficial. When Evie died, I did what all self-respecting military people do when presented with an insurmountable problem; I sat and thought it through like any problem, knowing that all I had to do was break it down into its component parts, fix each one, rebuild it and hey presto problem solved, and Evie would be back. Not surprisingly I failed miserably because it was impossible no matter how self-reliant I was. By talking the whole thing through with my counsellor over many sessions, I began to understand why I was acting the way I was, how I could start to change my behaviour, and recover the capacity that I had lost to the whole fruitless exercise. That only happened because I talked at length, allowing my brain to run free and explore what I was thinking. I began to understand myself and now although I will never 'accept' Evie's death, I can live with it.

The process is just as valid with a whole load of mental health problems and worries. It doesn't have to be a counsellor that you talk to, it can be a family member, a trusted friend or colleague. Anyone that you feel comfortable with. But as well as being honest with them, you have to be honest with yourself.

Again, if someone you know has worries, get them to unload - you can't always get rid of the problem, but you can start to understand it and that is incredibly important. But you must listen! And don’t just do it once. make it a habit. The more you talk, the more you will understand.

Start booking that chat over a coffee.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.