Symbols

It’s funny how we attach importance to certain things or actions. Some very simple items take on a level of significance that must seem strange to the muggles out there. Each has its own meaning, perhaps a link to our child, a memory or just it creates a feeling of hope. For me, one of the most prominent of these is a candle. We light a candle to Evie every night, even when we are away when we can. Before Evie died, we never really ‘got’ candles; we didn’t particularly want a live flame in the house with a small child and two active cats floating about. Now though, each evening it has become a sort of ritual to light a candle to her. More than that though, whenever we are out, we will go into a church looking for a candle to light. Every fortnight I have a counselling session in Corsham which is right next to a church, and I now go in each time and light a candle for her, leaving a small prayer in the book next door to it.

When out hiking we look for robins. I’m not entirely sure what the meaning is here, but now we keep an eye open for what we call the “geocaching robin”; whenever we see one, we invariably have a good day in our geocaching hunt. On a recent hike in Cornwall, one brave and friendly little chap got quite close for a few minutes and it felt nice.

The symbology of a white feather, found out of place at home or in the car carries a strong meaning, being seen as a message from Evie. We have found a number of feathers in the house since she died and each time it has been quite difficult to rationalise it, with no logical explanation as to how it came to be there. Again, like with the robin, it seems to demonstrate a connection to Evie, a message of some kind.

Sometimes, we create symbols of our own, maybe to fill a void, or artificially create a connection. Mr Cookie Monster is a case in point. He was bought after Evie died, yet he has taken on a place of importance in our lives as we now take him round with us, like a mini representative of Evie. It’s as if Evie can’t travel with us so he can. Mr Monkey who was with Evie in bed has take on an almost reverential status now and we are frightened of taking him away in case he gets left behind. A couple of pounds of material and stuffing, yet he represents so much more. He is a physical representation of Evie, a permanent connection to her. He still smells of her a little bit. Evie’s favourite bear, EvieBear, is buried with her so that he can look after her if she is frightened. But before we buried him with her, we took a series of photographs of him, and had them framed.

These symbols bring comfort, connection or just warmth. It doesn’t matter that they are small things, or that no-one else particularly understands. They work for us and that is all that counts. There are two pictures today because we think that the world needs to remember EvieBear too.