It's Been a While ......

As you probably know - mainly because I have wittered on about it often enough - writing has proven to be a bit of a sanctuary for me since Evie died. A way of expressing what is in my head, getting it down on paper and let it sit there in black and white for me to read through, mull over and understand.

The last few months have been strange to say the least. The need to write has been there, but I just felt that so much of what I wanted to say had been said before, so it all seemed a bit futile. Repetitive even. There have been a number of issues that I thought I had bottomed out and put away, safe in the knowledge that I had dealt with them. but then again ….

After Evie died, I became acutely aware that people are generally unable to cope with the tough stuff. Because talking to a bereaved parent is hard, they run and hide instead. The diehards stay. They sit next to you quietly, talk to you, ask about Evie, listen and are just ‘there’. Others simply don’t know what to do, frightened of saying the wrong thing, or know that they can’t handle anything tricky. I have a small handful of people that have been there for me whenever I have needed them. The period from Evie’s birthday through Christmas and then the anniversary of her death were, in a word, evil. I just wanted to give up. It was my 4th set of milestone dates, but the first without the prop of anti-depressants and as such it was ‘new’. When the falls came they were hard and deep. Instead of the usual bounce after a short while, I stayed down, weighed down by the grief. None of my coping strategies worked, even in combination. I felt like the beleaguered Spartans at Thermopylae, relentlessly battered by incoming waves of emotions. But here I am, another couple of months down the line, still standing. Throughout, I have had the support of a couple of friends. Just being there. Listening, dragging me around remote spots to take photographs or just listening to me raging over a coffee. Loyal friends. And that is what started me down this path. Loyalty.

Loyalty is a two-way street of course, and I would like to think that should it be needed, I will stand shoulder to shoulder with those same friends when they need me. I have tried to help others whenever I can, offer a shoulder to lean on, a little advice honestly given and from the heart, and just been there when needed.

At work, we are inundated with applications for help now that the tsunami of higher utility bills, NI increases and inflation are all coming together to hit thousands of people at the same time. The same can be said of Evie’s Gift as the application rate increases rapidly. But both charities will do what Evie would have done. They will be there, helping, listening and making a difference for as long as they are able. I have seen the best of people, and sadly I have also seen the worst too. People that take advantage or simply don’t care. The work that both charities do isn’t glamourous. It won’t make you cry on telly, nor will it ever be sexy. But it will get you through a difficult time, it will offer you the helping hand that you need to survive. Both charities will work quietly in the background helping thousands of people every year. It isn’t about seeking headlines or publicity. it is about making a difference.

Because if you can’t make a difference, then why are we here? Evie taught me that.