Something for the Heart Space

About a year ago, my counsellor said that I needed to find something for my heart space, to help with the healing process. Working and doing productive things helped the head space, but I needed a relaxing pastime or hobby to help me heal. Something to occupy my mind but in a way that didn’t wear me out in the process. I started writing which has been great, and then exercised my creative side by making the cork-covered bird boxes.

Today though I finally returned to my second favourite hobby after wine - photography. Evie’s Godfather David is a damned fine photographer and agreed to take me out and show me how to get the best out of the camera, and even take it out of automatic mode! David and I spent a few hours mooching around Hinton Ampney House photographing various vistas and plants, looking at composition and generally experimenting with taking the same shot in different ways. My natural urge was to push on and snap away, but he convinced me to slow down and ‘wait for the light’.

It was sunny, rainy, and cloudy all in the space of ten minutes at one point and that gave me the opportunity to take the same shot under different light conditions. The photos that I took aren’t particularly good, but that’s not the point. For a few hours I was able to immerse myself in something where I didn’t have to block out the pain, but let it run with me. The sadness almost helped me look for a certain image to reflect that mood. There’s a small church there and the gravestones and trees were beautiful; I lit a candle for Evie in the church too to say ‘hello’.

The creative side of my brain was engaged, I got to remember why I used to enjoy photography so much and David is pretty good company too. I can safely say that my heart space was well and truly looked after today. David and I chatted about photography, our families and remembered Evie. Next time we are going to find some architectural photos to take and I’ll be tackling exposure compensation ………... Looking forward to another day of healing the heart space. David Bailey doesn’t have anything to worry about though.

The best bit for me though was that I didn’t feel guilty about enjoying myself. That’s an important ‘first’. Evie isn’t here, but somehow she was involved or nearby and that was a comfort.