Technology to the Rescue?

The isolated world that we as bereaved parents know so well, is now familiar to the vast majority of the nation. I say vast majority because a small minority still seem to be oblivious to the dangers of Covid-19 and insist on having house parties or going out in groups even now. Before the virus took hold, as a group we were not quite ‘unique’ in that we felt alone in the world, but it did seem that way.

Now; however, a new word has entered our collective vocabulary - Zoom - but not in the sense of a rocket flashing passed us, but a virtual meeting where we can see the faces of those we want to talk to. It was always there of course, as was Face Time, Whatsapp and other electronic video conferencing technologies. We can now do our counselling sessions by Zoom, talk to friends and family, have pub quizzes and a multitude of other things too. Technology has presented a solution to isolation, but it does, of course rely on you having the technological capability to take advantage of it. Not everyone has a computer or tablet.

For me, working from home was always part of my normal routine, so now it just happens a bit more frequently, but there were still meetings and days in the office. So in some ways, Covid-19 hasn’t brought a wholesale change to my way of life. It has deepened the feeling of isolation though. I use Zoom for work meetings, and Whatsapp for family interactions, and it is great to be able to chat to family members who are many miles away.

But there’s something that is sat behind the technology itself, and that is the desire and ability to use it to its best advantage. Without doubt, chatting electronically is not something that I am particularly comfortable with. Am I the only one who finds myself shouting all the time? I also get distracted very easily. I somehow feel disconnected (ironic really) from the person or people at the other end. I’m certainly not a technophobe though. More importantly, it is all too easy to not bother answering a call when you are feeling low. When a friend knocks on the door to take you out for a coffee, it is much harder to turn them away. A red and green button on a phone or iPad showing an incoming call is all too easy to ignore.

We have to make extra effort in these strange times to stay in touch with friends and family. We, as bereaved parents need to break through the loneliness ourselves to make the call in the first place and give Zoom a go. Personally, I prefer to do my counselling over the phone rather than by Zoom or Whatsapp, but chatting to our TCF Support Group by Zoom last week wasn’t too bad. We all managed to talk over each other, but it was still lovely to be able to take openly and freely about how we felt to like-minded people. Maintaining that contact with others in the same boat is crucial in my view. We have to offload sometimes in a safe environment, an environment that just doesn’t exist with everyday life.

Has technology come to the rescue? I don’t think so, but I do think that it is there for us to take advantage of. It is not a solution, but it is something that can help reduce the feelings of isolation and loneliness that dog us throughout our new lives. And staying in touch with other bereaved parents is top of the pile for me, because we can’t be fully truthful anywhere else.