There are Two Types of People in This World

So aren’t there more than just two types of people? Probably. Alright, most definitely, but I would argue that it really depends on how you measure it.

For me it is simple. The world is split into those that have known real love and those that haven’t, or haven’t yet. That love could be for a partner, a parent or a child. Love means different things to different people, and I remember at the age of 16, over 40 years ago, becoming aware that I was in love with Patsy. If you compare that love then and where it is now, they are very different beasts. Love is a living breathing thing and as such it grows and evolves.

There is a cliché that says that you don’t appreciate something until it is gone. That may well be true, but it isn’t the case with me. In Evie, we created a person that could have made an enormous difference in this world. Evie’s death changed an awful lot about me, how I thought about other people, the world and where I saw myself fitting in it. My love for Evie is as strong today as it has always been. My love for her mother has not only grown even stronger since Evie died, but it has changed in that it goes far beyond an emotional state. I have always said that we are so much more than the sum of our parts.

But with love comes pain when someone dies. The grief of Evie’s death is so deep because I love (note not loved) her so much; her absence is a constant ache. The depression is hard to carry sometimes. This kind of pain is an invisible killer. But I have no fear of death. A good day for me, is like a cruddy day for you. Right now, I will gladly trade places with Evie, and equally will do whatever it takes to protect Patsy from harm. Love does that to you. I don’t have to think about it, it is instinctive. Nothing, and I truly mean nothing, is important compared to my two girls. Everything else is secondary. That love pervades everything in my life, down to a molecular level. It is why so many people will never grasp how a bereaved parent thinks or appreciate that they have nothing else to lose. You can’t threaten a bereaved parent, because they don’t know fear.

I look around at others and see people that have never experienced love to that degree. They go through life unaware of what they are missing. They do harm to others for the fun of it. They place their own rather insignificant needs ahead of others. I pity them. I pity them because the concept of love brings an enlightenment that puts the world into perspective. It gives you the knowledge that not everything in this world of ours is as important as we might like to think. It defines true value. It creates perspective. And it destroys the boundaries that we once thought were so important.

Love doesn’t make things perfect by any means. It doesn’t stop disagreements. It doesn’t give you a better mood. But it does allow you to understand things in a way that you will never achieve without it. I’m struggling to put this into words effectively, to get my message across in a way that doesn’t sound trite or corny. I think that the other parents that we have met through the Compassionate Friends will understand what I am trying to convey, as will others that have had a loved one taken away too soon.

This blog isn’t about some Disney-esque notion of romantic love and happy ever after. Fairy tales are exactly that, fairy tales; stories built around an idyllic concept of something that is almost impossible to find. This blog is about how love in its purest sense changes you to your very core. Too many people are labouring under the misconception that they matter to the world. I’m sorry to dispel the illusion, but you don’t. When we are gone, few will notice or remember. Love makes you realise that as individuals, we don’t exist in a vacuum, we are part of something more important; a family. If you have experienced that level of love, then you are truly blessed, but I have a feeling that if you really understand what I am trying hard to say here, then you too are nursing a broken heart.